my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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