If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
