At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
