we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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