peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
