Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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