there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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