Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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