I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
