Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
