remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
