did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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