i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize