sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize