She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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