Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize