I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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