haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
