Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
