did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
