I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
