We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
