she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Mom said you looked used
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
