break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You can't just leave with hair like that
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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