did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
