Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
