Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize