I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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