Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
