Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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