You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
