Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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