You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
