the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
