omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize