ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
