so explain again why im purple
no
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize