Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
