If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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