Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
