Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
