listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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