I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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