Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
