mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
