i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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