Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
