party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
