two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
