I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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