I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
