Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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