Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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