I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
