I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
