so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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