i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
