So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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