I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
