Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
