That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
