I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
