Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
