honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
