i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
