walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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