did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
