i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
