I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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