Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
