I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
