awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
