It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
