Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
