She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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